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The common narrative about introverts is that they're shy and antisocial — not exactly qualities you'd want in a date.
But while it's easy to assume that introverts would have a harder time dating than extroverts, the reality may surprise you. For it she interviewed more than 50 introverts — single and looking, in relationships with extroverts and other introverts, newlyweds and divorcees — and what she found complicates our typical assumptions about introverts."I think many introverts go into the dating field with a sort of one-down feeling," Dembling told .
By pausing and reflecting before speaking, there is time to process the real problem instead of getting angry and making unfair accusations.
In her excerpt, Dembling shares quotes from Lynne and David, who she spoke to about their respective marriages to extroverts.
"She was the center of attention wherever we went," Dembling says.
"I assumed nobody noticed introverted me, but years and years later, when I reunited with people from high school (thank you Internet), I learned that actually, many boys had noticed me.
Introverts tend to be thoughtful partners, which often cues them in on when to step back and let their more extroverted partners shine, and how to provide a quiet space to recharge for more introverted individuals."Many of the introverts I spoke to tend to shut down in the face of conflict," Dembling says."It's not ideal, but nor is extroverts' tendency towards full-out shoot-from-the-hip emotion dump." While each couple needs to work out the best way for them to fight, some fights can benefit from this slower approach to an argument."I like to have time to process the situation and then decide how best to respond.This can be helpful, as words spoken cannot be retracted or forgotten easily, or at all," said Lynne.